SEAGULLS are completely unaware of the normal facts of existence, it has emerged.
A study by The British Seabird and Economics Institute has revealed seagulls know nothing at all about fixed and variable rate mortgages, nor have any knowledge whatsoever about the Consumer Price Index or the Bank of England’s target inflation rate, and are also completely unfamiliar with issues surrounding the deflationary spiral in the Eurozone and Quantitative Easing.
‘To seagulls it appears the usual facts of existence simply don’t apply’, said Professor Grimsby Wallop of the Institute, ‘We are not sure whether they purposefully don’t pay attention to important matters or whether they genuinely just don’t notice.
‘Either way I’ve had 2 Cornish Pasties snatched right out of my hand whilst holidaying in St.Ives within the last 5 years which is bang out of order. Something needs to be done.’