Lake District Protected From Wildlife

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Ecological Disaster in The Lake District has been awarded World Heritage Status.

Features of a living ecosystem, such as wildflowers, trees, birds, butterflies, bees, and various mammal species will be permanently outlawed following a decision to preserve the park as a sheep ravaged hell hole of ecological destruction.

‘This landscape of eerie desolation has been awarded special status for it’s particular attributes of portraying nature as a barren monotony, enclosed at lower levels by dry stone walls’, said a spokesperson for UNESCO.

The RSPB, who supported the decision despite it having a terribly adverse effect on birds, said, ‘Yes, we don’t know what we are doing’.

Local gift shop owner, Wendy Ridgeway, commented,  ‘The lackluster depiction of nature we see in the Lake District is silly, but it sells a lot of fudge with pictures of eroded hillsides on it’.

A bumblebee who got lost in the area was found licking a discarded Cornetto wrapper in Pooley Bridge.

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