It is the first time Overall Human Impact has been calculated.
‘The OHI is massive’ said Institute director Mervin Berningi. ‘It’s impact equivalent is something like that of a lamppost falling on a horse. Humans are doing a lot of damage.
‘We drew together data from a wide range of recent studies assessing negative economic impact of common human behaviors such as drunkenness, lie-ins, use of social media, drugs, smoking, accidents and injuries, colds and flu, time on the toilet and so on.
‘We also added micro inefficiency behaviors to the models such as blinking, general dithering, and indefinable micro-pauses between tasks aswell as a range of previously uninvestigated behavioral trends such as sniggering with colleagues, making sarcastic or ironic jokes, and just staring off into the distance.
‘It’s becoming increasingly clear the fallibility of humans isn’t something that will go away.
‘We’re considering doing away with humans completely and running the economy 24/7 exclusively on our computer matrix in hyperspace. We can download the data right onto rolling news to see how it’s doing.’