Government Announce HS2 Austerity Package

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Specifications of HS2 will be downgraded to include using old bits of the Intercity 125 and platforms that are too short, quadrupling the cost.

Theresa May said, ‘We cannot allow having the worlds’ most expensive train to stop us from delivering on the crippling services the nation expects, whilst adding a trillion pounds to the National Debt via complex multilayered abstractions nobody understands.’

Meanwhile Secretary of State for Transport Chris Grayling announced plans to reroute the final leg of the route to Cornwall, saying, ‘The North is dreadful and nobody owns a holiday cottage there’.

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