Avoid the present moment, urge spiritual authorities

Enlightened people have complained of being very bored

A GROUP of advanced spiritually enlightened gurus have said the present moment is very boring and advise it’s best avoided.

‘We recommend to spend time engaged in distracting activity such as aimlessly browsing the internet, flicking through supermarket offer leaflets, shopping, crosswords, watching TV, going to the cinema, substance abuse, alcoholism, all the usual stuff basically.

‘Whatever you find distracts you already, keep on at it.

‘if you’re caught off guard and sense an approaching or unexpected lull in stimulation levels switch on the nearest electrical utensil for some background interference.It could be the kettle, the microwave, the hoover, anything that makes a noise or rattles. If you’re outdoors scratch at some tree bark or get a dog to chase you.

‘it’s too late for us now, we’re stuck here for eternity, but it would lack compassion to not warn others.’

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